Exhausted. I’ve spent the whole weekend so far working on my freelance work and now it’s begun to rain and is all dreary and blech. It’s one of those Sunday mornings where you kind of wish you could just sleep all day nestled on a warm bed or couch, watching your favourite movie or something…

Alas, work to be done. A workout to be done. And sorting to be done. I need to go through my room soon and toss the crap I don’t need and also, grabbing the stuff I need over the next year so it doesn’t get packed. You need to think ahead… how long will I be gone? How long will my stuff be in storage? What is going to happen between now and then??

Winter. Skiing.

Spring. Photography.

Summer. Rollerblading.

Right now my stuff is in storage and I couldn’t access it so this pack will give me a quick opportunity to grab the things I need. My winter coats were in storage so this past winter was chilly. My rollerblades are in a crate somewhere so I didn’t get to go rollerblading at all this summer. A few items I’ll be grabbing and keeping from landing in storage will be my skis, my cameras, my rollerblades, my winter jackets, etc… I’ve been making a list so when the packers go through things, they can pick out what I’m needing as they go through stuff. You have to think ahead and prepare.

This is the part that I’ve been dreading for a while but also looking forward to. It’s a time of cleansing and change and it really does signify that this thing is real and soon I’ll be gone!

…… oh yea! I can’t wait!

*later on*

I ended up going to the gym this evening. I only worked out for 1/2 an hour with about 20 minutes on the treadmill (breaking in my new shoes, that’s the length of time she recommended) and then another 10 minutes doing various stretches.  Afterwards, I walked outside for about another 45-50 minutes, wandering the massive park where my bag was stolen. I was hoping someone did steal it and then just tossed the crap. I was looking mostly for my car keys because I don’t have a back-up now. And, I was also hoping I could find my clothes. I realised afterwards that I only have two pairs of pants that fit right now and one of them was in there. That means I get to wear the same pants now every single day… I refuse to pay for a new pair when I won’t need them very long! And, more sadly is that my two or three business tops that I normally wear, were also in there. It means I have like, one top now that fits.

I feel like a hobo or something.  *sigh*  No house, no clothes, no belongings! *laughs* Anyways, it’s all good. I’m still hopeful someone just picked it up and will return it…

The past few days have been kind of weird for me — going through a lot of emotions (mostly good!) and I’m trying to psych myself up to get prepared for BMQ. A few people have written me privately (friends and family) and a few have said really nice things. My one cousin (who’s more like an aunt than a cousin!) said that she was inspired and encouraged by the changes I’ve made, that she’s going to take up walking again! I can’t believe that I had a positive impact on someone like that!

And then tonight I had a guy friend from college write me and say that he was also inspired by this little journey of mine. I guess he reads fairly often because he provided some advice (which I’ll share in another entry!) so it was kind of nice to be able to provide inspiration that way as well.  He called me courageous (hehe, ME???) and motivated (which is true, I must admit)…

Some of my emotions the past few days, are because my ex got married on Saturday. Yesterday. And, it was our original date to get married that we set last January. He proposed three times over the years but just never followed through. I realise now he was using me so he could avoid being alone. This has really hurt that he would just propose to another girl on the quick and marry her after barely knowing her very long. But, I also realise how fortunate I am that we never married officially.  I would like to one day have someone in my life who really wants me to be a part of his life. I still don’t feel it will actually ever happen but then? Small things will happen here and there, which make me realise there may be hope for me yet…

For example? Guys are holding the door open for me…. like, waiting and holding the door open for me. That has never happened before and I’m not used to it but I always, always thank them. However, I am the same person now then I was when I was 270 pounds but why wouldn’t someone hold it open then?

Was it because I was fat? That they wouldn’t? Or, for some other reason?

Then I look at this photo above and the comparison to the side and realise… they’re opening it because I’m a happier person and I am much, much happier alone then I ever was with my ex.  Everything happens for a reason and I just need to be grateful, I didn’t make a thirty-year mistake as opposed to the seven-year mistake I had made.

It’s all good!

This is a part of my life that is no longer a ‘regret’… I don’t regret that we didn’t get married… I don’t regret we didn’t have a family… in fact, I’m grateful. So, this allows me now to continue living a life without regrets!!!